Jay's old room artwork.

Scurry County BASEketball League (day 18)

Frito Pie Jay called yesterday. The new makeover is going well although he had to substitute Guinness for Busch Light Tallboys. Guinness is too expensive and scarce in Snyder. Which is cool man. His new body makeover has inspired him. As I publish this, FP Jay is writing up his proposal to the Scurry County Commisioners Court to invest in a new BASEketball League. The details are sketchy but the inagural season will have a compliment of 8 teams vying for the White Buffalo Cup. The movie BASEketball is the blueprint of the league. Frito Pie is also considering adding a bowling aspect to the competition. Good Luck Frito Pie Jay.

Day Sixteen: Frito Pie-Guinness body makeover!

Jay,

Since you are sleeping in, staying up late, and in general dismay. I have decided that you will be my guinness pig for my newest brillinace. Its mispelled on purpose. The Frito Pie-Guinness Body Makeover. This is how it works. Since you are poor and shit, you need to get your mom to buy nothing but Fritos and Wolf Brand chili, obviously with no beans. But there is a kicker, and buddy I know you are going to love this. Every night, I want you to drink as much Guinness as you can until you go to sleep, or pass out.

So for breakfast you have frito pie. Lunch you again have frito pie. Both meals drink nothing but water. No coffee or colas of any sort. Just water. One more thing, absolutely no exercise other than what is required to move about an Air Conditioned space or retrieve fritos, chili, or Guinness.

No evening meal except Guinness. I want you to start and keep track of your intake, general mood, and beer consumption. Please report your starting weight, then no more scales. Every 30 days we will weigh you in to see how you are doing.

For those playing with less than a full deck upstairs, this is strictly high brow humor, and you should consult your doctor before trying the Frito pie-Guinness body makeover. If you have trouble breathing, ingesting alcohol, or fritos you should probably consider another program.

Your going to be the new Jared, I can feel it!

morris day fifteen: the making of the time

my great idea for a career for you came as I was getting new tires put on my truck. you should be the local 'dog wisperer' dude. you could train, breed, and give classes on training and owning dogs. you should run an ad in the local paper and get started. you should even do house calls. also, get a latino answering service to mimic the actual show. send my royalty check to kingfish bar tab care of edelweiss restaurant ftw, texas.

Day Ten plus two: Jay's Vic20 must be busted

We haven't heard a mesage from our hero. His old Vic20 or Commodore64 must be on the fritz. Alot of people dont know this about Jay, but he came up with the original idea for the first "internet". He figured out how to hotwire a CB, a couple of toasters, and a Texas Instruments solar calculator into quite a comprehensive network.

If you need an IT guy, Jay is your man. He might not be able to unlock the secrets of dbase, but he is quite the dandy man with IM. He also understands the intracies of the "interweb". Need a purveyor of porn policeman? Just call Jay.

Let us know what is up.

This blog is louder, it goes to Eleven.

Here is the link to jobs in Snyder. There are some oil field jobs for $65 an hour. Lets see 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, equals an assload of beer to drink on Saturday night. Maybe a little bit left over for the kitty.

Jump on it Jay. You might be at the right place at the right time. Scurry County during the third, and last, oil boom. Good luck!

Day Ten: Show me the money.

Jay,

We need to get a button link for your pay pal account. You never know, it could generate some extra cash for you. I dont want to sound like a 'lumbergh', but if you could get back to me with that, that would be great. That way you wont be tempted to drink milk at the supermarket or whore yourself out to the local donkey population.


I forgot to ask, did you get to do this on your last day?

Day nine: This monkeys gone to heaven

In response to your comments from yesterday.

Bunk,

I forgot how sensitive you are to criticism.

As far as life advice goes, you are absolutely right. Jay is a 'big boy' now and is perfectly capable of handling his business.

I would just like to finish that list with a thought...mafia, grandma, single person.

..unless they are paying you to listen or you can learn from their mistakes.

I dont know what all the references are but what is obvious is you have never seen the Big Lebowski or you didn't like it. Or maybe the attempt at approbation doesn't suit you. The best thing about your comment was the part where you tell him to be 'really, really, really, circumspect about who you listen to.'

I think its hog calling time in Nebraska. We aint 20 anymore. You are a good teacher, philosopher, and thinker. No doubt. Your are so right about so many things, but its simply too hard to follow your lifestyle and worldview. It doesn't add up for me and I think that since Jay hasn't moved out to the ranch in 7 years, its pretty safe to say where he is at.

I know the all of your criticisms, so spare the rebuke for a far greater foe. Although you are more than welcome to expound on your criticism here. I wont delete or censure it. My point is, lets all be what we are instead of pretending we are this psuedo-professional with an AK-47 ready for Armaggedon with the ATF. Jay will be no where near that fight and you know it. The reason is, Jay doesn't really believe your doctrine or worldview either. If he really did, by your standards..he would be there.

We are friends. That doesn't mean we have to all agree on everything, even religion. We can still be gracious to one another.

Was I predestined to write this, or did I have too much caffiene?

Here we go!!

Day seven and eight: Hope and humility

No news is good news. Maybe I was a little hard on the beaver acouple of days ago. I dont know about you but sometimes I feel like Jay does about alot of things. Work, relationships, etc. I'm sure everyone does and in our own selfish ways.

Hope. Hope is a hard word and concept for me. I try not to use it very often when describing things of a personal nature because I have learned over time not to trust hope. But when I think of my great friend and his life struggles. I come to one emotion. I hope Jay succeeds. I hope Jay is happy.

Hope is defined as,

A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

To change gears, I fully expect to get blasted on this, and in anticipation of this I have thought to accompany a preemptive thought.

I really dont give a shit about what anyone else thinks, and that includes you Jay. Jay is a friend that helped me when I was down and out. For that I owe. I dont care if Jay lives in the state pen for ass raping a donkey, I'm on his side. Yeah it sucks he got fired and has to eat some pride and crawl back to mothers house. Hopefully that pride will dicipate and some humility will have some room to grow. Good things come from humility. Bad things come from thinking you are the king. You can do it.

Day Six: We didn't land on Plymouth rock...

you know the rest by now. This blogger is getting a little tired of the shit storm.

Jay is brimming with confidence this morning. His direct quote was "I'm done, down and out." Truely inspirational. In the anals of human existence few people have had to endure the hell that is Jay's life. Doubtful the slaves that crossed the ocean, the martyrs of the Spanish Inquisition, or the Jews slaughtered during the Holocaust had to lose their bullshit lobbyist job and move home to Mom's. Next thing you know he may be wanting reparations.

Hey Jay. You need help? Get it. You need money? Fine. You need a shoulder to cry on? OK. Place to stay? welcome to it. But dont do what you always do and not listen. You have an assload of talent but it aint worth two nickels right now because YOU are screwing it up. No offense to Bunk, but reading a fucking book about the Pilgrims isn't going to miracle your ass a job. But the job isn't the problem brother. You need to fix your attitude, anger, and check your talent at the door. Instead of telling everyone you can do it, pointing fingers, or scapegoating off some fucking two bit trollope. Try looking in the mirror chief.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, learn from your past, grow up, and have a nice life.

Sorry if I pissed you off in advance. Humble yourself. You can do it.

Day Five: Our hero is bummed.

Jay is obviously at home. He has by now recieved a bevy of advice, some of which are in the comment sections below.

I'm guessing that he will regale us with some more tales of doom and gloom.

Cheer up and watch some Magnum on youtube.

Day four: The winds of change

Metaphor is defined by dictionary.com as

A figure of speech in which a word or phrase that ordinarily designates one thing is used to designate another, thus making an implicit comparison, as in “a sea of troubles” or “All the world's a stage”

When you want to great things in life, you must first be alive to do the great things. Jay is still alive. Our hero cant look at this as the end of the cold war. He instead should embrace and shwanked into the winds of change.

Here is an artistic effort I was inspired to create and offer:

Day Three: Morning beers, afternoon Caucasians, dreams of granduer

Jay is doing better today, despite his predicament. He talked with his cousin and is upbeat about a promise of free golf at Snyder Country Club two days a week. The Jayman has a plan. He has lined up help to get out of Austin by the first of next week. The wheels of change are in motion.
Last night Jay entertained me with his political theories and insight which were slightly harsh on the current condition and rampant depravity. He said, "I just want my 40 acres and my mule, man." He had a few 'Caucasians' at that point in the evening. An intersting point he made was that Janis Joplin was right. Refering to this, quote,

Freedoms just another word for nothing else to lose.

So true brother.

Jay closed the conversation by listing the things he really needed at this point in his life. Several items were mentioned more than once like Scotch, cigars, and 4 cases of beer. I dont understand the emphasis on 4 cases, but Jay is a pack rat.

Day two: Dude, you dont have to live like a refugee.

Jay is evacuating. Evidently, he went to the Austin Club where all the politicos hob nob and saw his old boss. As expected, our hero told her off. It is not a good day today. He is going back to Snyder to regroup he said, which means he is vacating his apartment and the $800 a month lease. One his buds, probably a Republican cronie type said, "I can't believe you would break your lease." Jay said, "I dont effing care, they dont care about me anyway." He also added, "what ever I cant take I'm just going to light it on fire in the parking lot." So there you go. I mentioned ebay as an alternative, so he might do that for a while.
Keep your chin up big guy. Football season is right around the corner and there is nothing like being unimpeded by a stupid job. Jay is the epitome of the modern day after school special hero. We are rooting for you!

Day One: Jay is freaking

Its been less than 24 hours since Jay got fired from his swanky lockstepper Republican PAC job. He admitted last night it was a blessing in disguise. He was thinking of quitting next month anyway. He didn't like the work, their politics, or their management.
His initial reaction was to move from Austin and go back home to Snyder, Texas. A bad move in my opinion, we shall see. Hopefully he took my advice and is in the midst of filling out paperwork at the unemployment office. His direct quote minus the expletives was, "I've been paying in since I was 14 years old, its time to get mine." Spoken like a true playa! Things must be bleak when Republicans are eating their own. I said, "hell if foreigners, Katrina refugees, and Aids ridden Haitians can collect, why not the Jayman?"
He laughed, its good to keep the humor going in trying times. I shared with him that he should completely get dependant on the system for the next 7 to 10 months and invest in a comfortable bathrobe, ala our hero "the Dude". He could scob milk at the uptown Whole Foods and write check for 87 cents. I told him again to get cracking on the welfare.
As I was pulling in to my paltry job at the crack of 1:25pm, it hit me. I usually get one or two great money making ideas a day that I never follow through with, but this one was different. I called Jay up wondering if he was going to have to get a pre-pay phone and said, "Man we need to get you a blog." He said, "what, I cant do that I have no internet here." I said, "no problem, we can figure out how to get around that later." I explained my idea which basically is That we beg for cash on the internet and entertain everyone while doing it. So thats where we are at today.