Lubbock Urban Achievers sweep BOHICA!!!

LUA 4

#5 Bohica 0

Match recap to come!

Pre Paid beer + No Warmup = VICTORY!

LUA 3 Slow team with children and pregnant lady 1.

It seems the recipe for victory includes facing teams that have members with physical or health problems. In what seemed to be a match that lasted for 4 hours, a favorable result for our heroes was finally ACHIEVED!

An elated captain ELREYDEPEZ had this to say, "I'm drunk. Call me a cab. All I got to say is this. If we could get in a league with pregnant women, handicapped people, and the extreme obese; we might have a shot at winning a title."

Goliath slews David

With almost a 200 pin per game handicap, the Achievers were able to stay within 150 pins of the league leading Chilidogs. Unfortunately, a loss is a loss. Unable to capitalize on securing another signature win, the Lubbock Urban Achievers find themselves in a fight to get into the Big Dance later next month. With an RPI of 286 and only 7 points for the season, it is doubtful the Tournament selection committee will look favorable in garnering the LUA a high seed.

In the press conference, el capitan EL REY DE PEZ had this to say,

"We took our chances and I hope the committee considers how close we came to victory. When you look at it, we really should have won. Sure they won all three games by over 100 pins apiece. But look behind the statistics and scoring, and you will clearly see a Championship caliber performance from us. Could they have beaten us in a game where strikes and spares didn't count? I think not."

"Sometimes you eat the bar, sometimes the bar eats you. We took our shot and now we just got to get focused on getting better for the post season. We owe it to our fans and the City of Lubbock to right this ship. Come tournament time, you can throw out the records. Not the handicaps, but the records."

During the match, Helmut was struck down by a freak elbow to the eye socket and will be in China getting acupuncture treatment for his injury. He is expected to miss a few weeks but there is speculation he will return for the playoffs.

"Look people, we have had some injuries. We have overcome adversity in the past, and we know that we will come back. Helmut is down for 2 weeks, so that gives us a chance to play some of our freshman and give them experience. Who knows, one of them might actually be able to hit a few pins."

During the player interviews LUA man of the match Rodney speculated on the teams demise to La Liga. "I'm just here to drink beer and smoke cigarettes. I think we need to get into a league where there is at least a two drink minimum, the teams we have been playing don't drink beer and that is wrong. If they had to consume as much as we did, I would gladly allow for our handicaps to be thrown out and let's bowl straight up."

Ronnie G followed up those words with, "Look man, if I had my own bowling alley, I would call it Ron's Super Bowl...get it?"

Next week the handicapped shorthanded Achievers take on G-Rated. Look for the Achievers to spike the virgin strawberry daiquiri's.