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LUA beat OFF IN THE WOODS AGAIN

Stunning performance! Hampered by many distractions and cold beers, the Lubbock Urban Achievers dropped their first game Friday night only to roar back and take the last 3 points of the match. Jay, back from an absence, was able to make up for lackluster bowling by helping his team with the "Cliff Clavin" defense. Midway through the pivotal third game, Jay took the OFF IN THE WOODS team members to the bar during a break in the action due to lane malfunction. After coming back to finish the game, the LUA put together their best team game of the night while OFF IN THE WOODS was hampered by droning stories about cigars, golf, and automatic weaponry. The LUA won the third point by 88 pins and subsequently the overall point by 53 pins. EL REY DE PEZ led the LUA with 418 pins, followed by Helmut with 368 pins. The real hero of the night was Ronnie G, increasing his average with games of 87, 106, and 109 for a 302 total. Jay had a 311 total for the match.

Late in the 2nd game, the LUA drew even by a tenuous 5 pins victory and changed the momentum of the match. Team Captain EL REY DE PEZ said in his press conference after the game.

"Yes, I'll have a shot! We won bitches. Defense wins championships! Jay didn't bowl all that well, in fact he was well below his average, but defensive statistics are not shown on a bowling scorecard. Intangibles and Jesus, that's who we need to thank. You buyin?"

EL REY went on to say that he was proud of how his team responded after dropping the first point then having to take a team photo in the middle of the 2nd game.

"I'll tell you what, if it weren't for the support this team receives from Jaffo, you know...getting fresh buckets of beer and showing us pictures of hot women, I do not know where this team would have been. We could have laid down like a Filipino whore during Fleet week, but we didn't. We stepped it up, closed frames and never gave up. Heart of a Champion."

With the precious 3 points, LUA is for now avoiding regulation to the Thursday Night League at Whitewood lanes across town. The Achievers moved up into 20th position, with 4 points total for the season, and face the cellar dweller MOMS TEAM next Friday at the Classic.

Serious side note: The OFF IN THE WOODS team was great to bowl against. They are extremely nice and fun people to hang out with as well. They have the right frame of mind about this league. So far this season, we have met nothing but good people that like to have fun. Jason, Donnie, Nick, and Chris were the best. Thanks guys for the great night. We appreciate the attitude! I hope they go on to win the league because without our massive handicap, we shouldn't even be in the same bowling alley with these guys!




RONNIE G of LUA and Donnie Grant from Off in the Woods Again. Through the miracle of League night, they discovered that their grandfathers were brothers. A family Reunion indeed!

Believe, Achieve, Abide, Imbibe!

I am posting a formal statement that the above title be accepted as the new and original slogan.
Please post your vote in favor as votes of disfavor will be stricken.

WE ROLL at 7pm. Practice beers at 6:15.

Classic Lanes (Slide and the LS)

Jaffo Rules!

Our new logo is done. Great Job Jaffo!

A-J article on bowling

Wunderkind

In the name of Ed Dabrowski

please make it stop. NO WAY BUT UP beat our ass last weekend like a rented mule. My name isn't Toby, but I would have admitted it was if this one Stephen Bell kid would have quit making strikes. He had nine in a row. He is 19 years old. BOO.

Ed Dabrowski had the grace of a one legged stripper on meth-amphetamine. Yet somehow, frame after frame, he would nail a spare. UN believable! We like Ed because he was cool and he has an awesome name. I am so glad we bowl against a guy named Dabrowski.

The other guy we played was Larry. He looked like death camp "Uncle Jesse" from Dukes of Hazzard.Ron asked him if he bowled alot. To which he replied, "I shit you not" as he showed his Champions jacket from the VFW AFL-CIO tournament from 97. I don't think he heard the question but regardless we were going to see that jacket. I love people!

Their 'ringer' failed to show up. In that case they just plug in her average score minus 10 pins. She still beat us by at least 30 pins and she didn't even bowl!

All in all, despite the loss and failure to pick up a point in league play, we still bowled better. We also drank alot of beer. So much in fact that we started randomly yelling, "ED DABROWSKI!" Have you ever imitated bowling announcers? I have. Every time Ed would bowl, somebody on our team would imitate as if it were the PBA tour guys on ESPN. Ed's ball would take forever to reach its destination, but once it did it was greatness.

"The pins will not fall unless you hit them." If I were Ed Dabrowski, that is exactly the mantra I would live by.

Why, are you buying?

LUA vs. No Way But Up Gamenight

Lubbock-The Lubbock Urban Achievers, fresh off their victory in round 1 of the round robin Strike It Rich bowling league showdown, take on No Way But Up tonight at 7pm at Classic Lanes lanes 26 and 27. Last week our heroes were able to shrug off the competition of Lady and 3 Pricks, and take a handicap aided point out of four in the contest. This week will prove to be a tough test.
Captain EL REY DE PEZ of the LUA, has said that the team has been working on a zone defense to compensate for the lack of the Cliff Clavinesque overtures of Right Fielder Jay, who may or not be out tonight due to job commitments. Also, look for the Achievers to unveil their secret weapon tonight in the form of brownie baking officianado, Rodney. Defensemen Rodney, an avid amateur bowler will provide needed strength in the middle of the lineup and hopefully provide some key back checking in the neutral zone. Look for a big night. Starters tonight for LUA will also be Helmut at Power Forward, Ronnie G at Striker, and REY at Sweeper.
NO WAY BUT UP is led by Captain Marilyn Fish. Last week Fish had a league high score game of 245 pins and finished the series with 651 pins, tops for all women. There is talk that the only way to stop her is to cut the Achilles tendon in her pivot foot so that she will push everything off to the left. Barring that unfortunate injury in the parking lot, there is little hope. No WAY also gets ample support from Larry, Ed, and Stephen. They often switch in and out of their '1-3-1 trap' into a 'Cover 2", to throw others into confusion.
The only hope is that the crowd support for the Achievers can be the 5th bowler.

Seats are free but you'll only need the edge. See you between the lanes!

Meet the Achievers

"The Stranger"
RODNEY!!!!!

6'0 Junior from Lubbock
(look out ladies...he's single!)





"Donny"
Ronnie G
The Voice

6'9 Sophomore from Ralls, TEXAS!




"Jackie Treehorn"
Helmut
Professional Guitar Hero Player

6'8 Freshman from Snyder,TX


"Walter Sobchak"
JAY
master of the Cliff Clavin defense


5'11 Junior from Snyder, TX




"Dude"
EL REY DE PEZ
1st Officer, USS Camp Shalom

7'2 Freshman from God's Country

I want that

Later today I will be giving you a Lubbock Urban Achiever team update, plus fill you in on exactly how bad the most expensive beer in Lubbock County tastes. But first, I would like to make a plea to our sponsors.

WE NEED SPONSORS!




For $1, I can download some Creedence man. You will get nothing and like it.

For $5 you will still get nothing, but you will help slip the rent under the door.

For $12.50 I can buy the team a pitcher of bad beer. That's how much it costs dude.

For $25 You get a shout out on the blog.

For $50 donation, you get autographed Lubbock Urban Achiever bowling scorecard and a personal phone call from Rodney. Plus a "The Dude Abides" decal for your limo.

For $100, you get all of the above plus the official Lubbock Urban Achiever patch, that we haven't designed yet.

For $250, you will get all of the above plus an official Lubbock Urban Achiever bowling shirt, with your name on it. Exact replica of the same one the team wears.

For $500, you get all of the above, a pitcher of beer from the Classic Lanes Bowling Alley bar, and a patch worn by the team on their shirt during league play.

And if anyone is dumb enough to donate $1,000 and above, that would be great. We will figure something out, but rest assured it will be good. I can't promise the "ship of the line" replica but if I can make that happen, I will.

Remember, at the end of the season, the Lubbock Urban Achievers will pick a Texas Tech student to be the stipend recipient. After all, its for the kids!

If interested email me at keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net

The Unified Fund

Man In Me

FRIDAY