Festivus for the rest of us.

The first social event for the Lubbock Urban Achievers will be this Saturday Night (7:30pm) at my apartment. In keeping with the spirit of the season, nobody in attendance will be allowed to use my bathroom unless they make a contribution to the Human Fund: Money for people.

The evening will start with cocktails (B.Y.O.B.) and a Festivus hymn as we gather around the pole.

Next, the Festivus feast will commence. Soup and junior mints of course.

After the meal, we will begin the Airing of Grievances. If you don't know what that is you will learn.

The feats of strength will include a holding of breath competition, stare down, and mystery tournament. The aggregate winner will win the Festivus Fruit Cake that cannot be eaten, but instead given to the winner of next years competition.

And finally, Festivus will not end until I am pinned to the floor. I've been working out, so get ready. Please RSVP here or here.

No drawing firearms during league play.

Sorry Jay, we were all looking forward to you waving your piece out in the lanes. Ok, moving on....

South Plains Lanes, formerly Brunswick has some leagues forming up. Went there yesterday and was helped by the League commissioner Laquita. They start a month from now. Sundays and Tuesdays look the best. I decided to look elsewhere and lo and behold.....

I found the perfect League to join at Classic Lanes close to Slide and the Lickity Split. It is on Friday's at 7pm and starts a new season on January 6th! By the way Jaffo was coincidently there and in the third frame had a 4. That's right! FOUR. He is in for sure...look out Greater Lubbock Bowling Congress League!

It is a four man team format for 16 weeks. $13 per person, per week. The super cool manager told me that it is, "the most competitive league in Lubbock." Then added, "I even bowl in it." I told him we were only serious about two things, nihilism and Caucasians. He didn't get it.

I am more excited about this than a BJ and the Bear marathon.

Bowling Shirt possibilities

#1 is expensive at $60 without logo patch and lettering.

















#2 gives you a look at different style plus gives you an idea of how our similar "custom designed logo" (thanks Jaffo!) will look. This one retails at $25 without the Lebowski logo. Will be more with shipping.




























#3 is the one in the bottom middle. Problem with it is only goes to XL, but if you like this style I'm sure we can dig around and find it. Says $32, but will be more with patch logo, shipping, and lettering.












Personally, I like number one, just don't like the price. Discuss.

Slow Children Needed!: Lubbock Urban Achievers

Dear Kids,

The Jaybird has spread his wings and flown. Our hero has a new job. So proud we all are.

Good luck and happiness my friend!

Since this blog has no subject of ridicule anymore, I have decided to refocus it to other endeavors.

Since my move to Lubbock, I have decided to create a bowling team. Lifestyles of the Poor and Pathetic will now concentrate on the chronicles of this team. For now, the team will be called the LUBBOCK URBAN ACHIEVERS. Colors will be red and black of course. Almost anyone can join the team but not all will participate in league play. There will however be opportunities to be social and raise hell.

My goal is to have the worst team with the rowdiest following. I plan on bringing Lubbock Competitive Bowling to its knees! I am serious as a nihilist about this!

There will be fees, although I am not sure how much yet. The fees will sponsor our team in bowling league play, provide a swanky custom bowling shirt to members, and pay for a few "social events" every season.

Here is the rub, every year we will take some cash from yearly operations and provide a scholarship for a student to attend Texas Tech. That way we can be drinking for kids. Something we can all be proud of!

If you are interested in becoming a founding member of Lubbock Urban Achievers, please contact me at keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net

Your Dudefather,

Kingfish